“I myself merely play female characters sometimes, and many times when I’m on those characters, people assume that I am a woman in real life,” he wrote. I blinked. It was a casual comment in an article that was about something else entirely, but it sparked a thought. You see, Larry Everett’s experience is very different from my own.
“That’s awesome!” I found myself thinking. “Seriously, you are playing a female character and you’re actually addressed as a woman?! People should realize how special this is.” I also thought (because I’m an imperfect human being, like everyone else): “Ha! Now you know what it feels like!”
All my characters are female. However, when typing to strangers in MMOs, 9 out of 10 times they (incorrectly) assume I am male. Now I’m not having sleepless nights over this (which is a good thing, or I’d have developed insomnia), but it does get old pretty fast. I asked other female gamers I know and they reported the same phenomenon.

It is striking that Everett’s experience and mine are so different – especially considering we play the same MMO, Star Wars: the Old Republic (SWTOR). It could be that this is partly due to our perception: we are more likely to remember instances in which other players guessed it wrong than in which they guessed it right. But perhaps there’s more to this.
Game scientists have conducted research on the perception of gender in virtual environments. Although there is no data on how often we address others with a certain gender, there is evidence that certain factors affect how we perceive others.
What we do affects who we appear to be
It is possible that gender perception varies depending on our choice of activities in-game. A study from 2010 shows that game genre influences our perception of other players’ gender (Eden et al. 2010). We are more likely to perceive players as male when they’re playing games that are competitive and aggressive (such as shooters) – traditionally masculine associated traits. On the other hand, players are more likely assumed to be female when playing games that are social in nature. It is interesting to note that no relationship between skill level and perceived gender was found.
Although this research focused on gamers playing different game genres, you could extrapolate that the same goes for in-game activities. Perhaps players are more likely to expect male players when taking part in competitive and more aggressive environments such as PvP MMOs and raiding endgames, while they are more likely to expect female players when taking part in social activities, such as role-play. If this is true, it would explain why I’m often assumed to be male – I spend the majority of my time in-game playing endgame.
What we look like affects who we appear to be
Another study found that the degree of masculinity or femininity of an avatar significantly influences perceptions of avatars (Nowak & Rauh 2005). While this study deals with web avatars rather than avatars within multiplayer games, I don’t think it’s unlikely that the same goes for the latter. Judging by his article, Larry Everett spends a lot of time role-playing on his characters (some of which are female) on the fleet, the central player hub in SWTOR. This could explain why he does get addressed as female from time to time. After all, when role-playing, people will be more attentive to character appearances than when you are rushing through hordes of mobs with a pug. In instances where little to no attention to character looks is given, we might be inclined to go with the male default instead.

What we expect affects who we appear to be
Historically, gaming has been the realm of men. Indeed, gaming as a pastime is still associated with boys, violence and masculinity (Bryce & Rutter 2002). You could argue that the tendency to address all players as male is a relic of past times, wherein the vast majority of gamers were male. However, speaking from personal experience, most players seem aware that the MMO populace is more varied nowadays. (A heads up: recent research by Quantic Foundry (2017) found that 16-36% of MMO players are female – varying on the MMO’s setting.) When ten years ago I logged into an MMO and strangers found out I was a woman playing endgame, they were flabbergasted. Now it’s more like “Oh, okay.”
So if most MMO players are aware that both genders play, why do we tend to address strangers with “he”? My guess is that it has to do with the persisting perception of the male gender as the default in modern western culture. Let me explain with an example outside of the realm of gaming.
A couple of years ago, I took part in a university course. At one point, a classmate of mine took the stage and gave a fifteen minute presentation about a paper we had read. During, she constantly referred to the author as “he”. This was awkward, because I knew the author was, in fact, female. She had an foreign first name that I did not recognize, so I had googled her the evening before to check. When the student was done, our teacher asked how she would feel if she had published an article in a well known magazine and a reviewer wouldn’t even have looked up who she was.
The incident showed me how disrespectful it is to regard everyone as male, because it radiates disinterest. I realized it could just as well have been me making that mistake if I would not have taken the extra time to research the evening before. For me, this moment was an eye opener and I decided to never assume a gender when addressing someone I don’t know.

Referring to strangers in MMOs
What about MMOs, though, where you can’t simply google a player’s gender? The only way to find out (apart from voice chat) would be asking. And asking can be intrusive because not everyone likes sharing their gender for various reasons (Fortim & De Moura Grando 2013).
Ever since the awkward class room experience, I’ve been more aware of prejudices regarding gender perception. Sometimes I notice I assume someone to have a certain gender because of the way they talk or behave in game. But then I remember my decision. When I write a blog post in reaction to somebody else’s and their blog doesn’t state their gender, I refer to them as “they”. And the same goes for MMOs, really. Chances are that when I use “they” when talking about someone else, somebody will correct me and then I know how to address them. And if they don’t and want to keep their gender private, that’s fine, too.
Some dislike the use of “they”. For them (har har), going by the character’s gender is a great alternative. It will mean that they’ll get it wrong from time to time, but hey, it might prompt gamers think about gender perception in MMOs for a bit.
Do other players generally assume you’re male or female in MMOs? How do you address strangers online yourself?
References
Bryce, J. and J. Rutter, 2002: Killing Like a Girl: Gendered Gaming and Girl Gamers’ Visibility, in F. Mäyrä (ed.): Proceedings of Computer Games and Digital Cultures Conference, 243-255.
Eden, A., E. Malony and N. D. Bowman, 2010: Gender Attribution in Online Video Games, in: Journal of Media Psychology 22, 114-1124.
Fortim, I. and C. de Moura Grando, 2013: Attention whore! Perception of female players who identify themselves as women in the communities of MMOs. Digital Games Research Association (DiGRA) conference publication.
Williams, D., M. Consalvo, S. Caplan and N. Yee, 2009: Looking for Gender: Gender Roles and Behaviors Among Online Gamers, in: Journal of Communication 59, 700–725.
Yee, N., 2017: Beyond 50/50: Breaking Down The Percentage of Female Gamers by Genre, on Quantic Foundry website (https://quanticfoundry.com/2017/01/19/female-gamers-by-genre on 3 November 2017).
I also like the meta slant for this article in relation to MMO Bro’s writers. Here, we’re all “Bros”. So even though Bro historically links to males, it’s a gender neutral title here.
Heh, I hadn’t even thought of it like that. I always loved the word “bro”, though, so it’s pretty cool I can be one after all!
I try to never assume the gender of a person by their characters. Partly because the gender of the character I play varies on what I want for that particular one, partly because I’ve been around long enough to know that gender stereotypes are just that: stereotypes that don’t really work in the real world.
I also use “they” to refer to someone whose gender I don’t know. I got that habit from a clan mate back in Lineage 2 and it has worked well for me so far. This doesn’t work so well on my native language though (brazilian portuguese) as there are no gender neutral pronoun when referring to a third party. On the other hand I only tend to talk about MMOs with international friends anyway and english is the language we use. :p
But it does make me wonder how people that speak a language that has that kind of peculiarity deals with this kind of situation.
Like you, English is the language I use when gaming online, so this problem doesn’t occur. However, my native language, Dutch, has the same issue as Brazilian Portuguese. If you would use a gender neutral term, most people would say “he or she” – but it’s hardly practical, since it’s such a mouthful. In 2016, the gender neutral word “hen” was introduced to the Dutch language. However, it’s a bit confusing as a choice, because the word already existed and has a different meaning. Although I’ve read articles about the use of “hen” and generally see the usefulness of a gender neutral pronoun, I’ve yet to hear anyone actually use it in everyday conversation.
Love this article, so many relatable points!
Except for that random stranger who tried to hit on me after two sentences the other week, people are indeed more likely to assume that I’m male. It even happens in the blogosphere, and despite of me using a female avatar everywhere… I guess my written voice just doesn’t sound “girly” enough?
I tend to not correct people if it happens in a random pug though; it only matters to me when I get to know people a bit more. I appreciate that it’s a bit of a catch-22 though: If you never speak up to say that you’re a woman, it only furthers the perception that we’re not really there and that everyone’s a dude. However, on a personal level I find it worse how correcting people in a casual setting can draw way more attention to your gender than is warranted in the context, and I would rather avoid that.
At the same time, I have to admit that I’m also totally guilty of making the “everyone’s a guy” assumption myself. I really noticed it while recording my pugging videos. My original intent was to always refer to my pug mates by their character’s gender because that strikes me as the most neutral, but I actually slip up quite often, turning everyone into a “he”. This is a good reminder for me to work on that though!
Haha, I had it the other way. I remember incorrectly thinking of another blogger as female because they were using a female avatar and didn’t state their gender anywhere on their blog (a common oversight).
Like you, I don’t (always) bring it up in pugs when people incorrectly assume I’m a guy, either. It just comes off as if you care super much (I do not), and distracts from doing the instance. But you bring up a valid point that by not addressing, it preserves the status quo. There’s no ideal solution, I suppose.
I play both genders, and get called “It” which I just laugh at because it doesn’t offend me. Course I do spend time figuring out what my character will look like in SWTOR, other times it’s just blah…Then again I’m not a typical female as I have both masculine and feminine traits so it’s easy for me to play both. Then again I’ve done RP and I have opted to stop RPing. So now I’m just in the game to play and have fun, but I also don’t interact with a lot of people either. If they are looking for help, I’ll help out, but mostly I am the quiet reserved one off in the shadows….
Interesting topic. I can’t say I spend a lot of time thinking about how my gender is perceived in games. I tend to play a mix of both sexes, though I have tended to have a slight preference for female characters (I’m a guy IRL). I do recall a couple of times when playing my (female) rogue in WoW I was assumed to be female.
Doesn’t bother me. Actually it’s something I have a lot of experience with from my real life. I had very long hair growing up, and since most markers of sex don’t become outwardly apparent until puberty, most people I met assumed I was a girl. Actually in retrospect this may have been my first introduction to sexism, though I didn’t really grasp it at the time. Being assumed to be female didn’t bother me much, but what did get tiresome was how incredibly apologetic people would get when they found out I was actually a boy. As if being a girl was some gravely insulting thing…
Anyway.
I usually try to refer to people in gender neutral terms when lacking further info, though sometimes in my own head I default to their character gender. For whatever reason this is doubly true in games with pre-established characters, like MOBAs. Anyone in Heroes of the Storm I see playing Jaina is a she until proven otherwise.
Are we even gendered while playing? I mean does it matter if the tank in my group (may it be a 20 mins PUG or a permanent mythic raid guild group) is a man, woman, hetero, gay, black, white, disabled or not? We are purposefully choose to be in a roleplaying environment where we are presented to the others as an avatar (may that be a draenei shaman or a spaceship or a Halfling or a Jedi). Expecting them to address the real person behind it kind of defeats the point.
Yes, we are gendered while playing: as the research showed, we assign a gender to other players based on certain factors (that are explored in this article). I would say that is not necessarily a good thing, but it’s something that happens unconsciously.
Of course, in my opinion it shouldn’t matter whether the tank in a group is man, woman, hetero, gay etc etc. But I don’t think the only way to achieve that is to strictly play in-character. Indeed, some people play like that, but the vast majority of players like to address others out of character (OOC) towards others. A lot of those other factors you mentioned are not things you usually know or even ask about for others, but I guess gender is one people like to know because it’s used when referring to others. It’s also quite obvious when you’re grouping up and using voice chat.